Mission impossible: MAKE MARCUS SMILE!
by Aiedail.Icestar
Summary: This is a very funny and sometimes disturbing story about two vampire sisters from my other fic Epiphany who are set on basically torturing Marcus until he smiles. They feel like he is depressed, so they decide to make a mission out of it.
1. Chapter 1

rose: stomps into Marcus' room with a glower

**Well. This was all started through random emails when my friend Alexa and I got very bored, and decided to RP about torturing Marcus, Caius, and Aro. Then they just got more and more insane, so I begged her to allow me to make it a story on fanfiction. She agreed. Half the credit goes to her, and half to me. Though, alas, we –sob- don't own any other characters except for Cara and Sereena. The brilliant Stephenie Meyer does. How depressing. Enjoy and tell me what you think!**

Chapter One: The Mission.

"You know Ser, I think it's time we do something nice for Marcus. He's always so sullen." Ser mused on afternoon. Cara immediately got a sly look on her face,

"I know why. He hasn't smiled in over a millennia. So…" Ser was gaping at her with eyes popping wide, she gasped,

"We force him to smile! Ohmygoodness!"

"By hook or by crook," Cara purred.

"It shall happen by our hand," Ser solemnly pledged.

Later on that evening… (after much scheming and giggling.)

Cara stomped into Marcus' room with a glower. _I hope this works! Hehehe. _She thought excitedly. Marcus groaned,

"What now?" She kept glaring without saying a word. There was a long pause.

"...well?" Marcus cleared his throat uneasily. Rose narrowed her eyes.

"Marcus, you're emo," she snarled.

"No I'm not! I'm just bored with the world." He retorted. Why was she annoying him? Cara's lips pull back over her teeth

"I hate emo people!" she spat in a disparaging tone.

"Huh?!" Marcus was shocked. Even worse… he was confused at her hostility.

"I even made a song about it! I will sing it if you don't stop being emo THIS instant! youo have to smile, though." Inside, Cara was giggling. This was sure to get him to smile!  
marcus rolled his eyes lethargicly.

"I haven't smiled in three millenia. What makes you think I'll smile now?"

"I HATE YOUR HAIR! I HATE YOUR FACE! TO THIS WORLD YOU'RE A DISGRACE!" Cara started to shriek.

Marcus was appalled. "Stop singing!" he demanded.

"YOUR EMO LITTLE ARMS ALL CUT AND DEFACED!"

"Stop! There is no reason for you to scream like that!" Why wouldn't she stop? _Why?_

"I HATE YOU SO MUCH, 'CAUSE YOUR BODY TAKES UP SPACE!" Marcus ran from the room, yelling for earplugs the whole way. Cara suddenly pouted, and turned to her sister Ser who was hiding behind a fake plant.

"Damn it all. Sorry Ser, it didn't work." Cara rolled her eyes in annoyance.  
Ser grinned while holding a video camera.

"Wait 'till he finds out we're recording this stuff! FELIX! Stop pretending to sing "Barbie Girl" into the microphone!! Yeah. That's right. I can see you." Cara grinned into the video lens.

"We will prevail! We will triumph over this great obstacle! WE WILL MAKE MARCUS SMILE!"

**AND THUS IT BEGINS! Please review and tell me what you think!! I'm so excited because it gets so ridiculous you might just go into shock! (Well… that's what happened to my friend when I sent her one of the emails. Haha.)**

**PLEASE REVIEW! No flamers please!**


	2. Chapter 2 TWITCH

**Sorry if these seem kind of short. Remember, these are constructed from emails!! R&R!**

Chapter 2- _TWITCH!!_

Ser walked up to Marcus and stared at him wide-eyed like a young child. "Marcus, do you know where a baby comes from?" Marcus stared, mouth open. _Was this another one of their awkward things? Shudder. Why did Cara kiss Heidi like that and Felix was… wearing that…ugh._

"Well ... didn't your parents tell you that?" Ser rolled her eyes.

"Duh," she stuck out her tongue. "I wanted to hear you say it so refresh my memory." Marcus glared apathetically at her.

"Go fu—" Ser squirmed on ground screaming,

"My EYE! It's twitching! Ahhhhhh!" Cara sprinted in so fast she was a blur and had to run around in a circle for a minute to slow down.

"Marcus, do something! She could die!!" she yelled as she was finally slowing.

"That would make my day!" Marcus said under his breath.

"DONT JUST STAND HERE DO SOMETHING HER EYE IS TWITCHIN—OH NO! Now MY eye is twitching!!" Cara screeched, squirming on the ground next to her sister. Aro skipped over only to see in horror Cara and Ser squirming on the ground holding their eyes. He glanced up at Marcus, brushing his fingers through his hair nervously,

"_DO_ SSOMETHING MARCUSS THEIR EYESS ARE TWITCHING!!" Marcus sat for the next seventeen hours massaging Ser and Cara's eyes. After a while, Ser looked at Marcus with the eye that wasn't being massaged.

"Where do babies come from?" Marcus gave her a disgusted yet blank look.

"Oh forget this I'm going hunting!" and stormed off to catch up with the others. Cara and Ser gasped in horror, staring after him. They yelled franticly,

"What about our eyes??" Cara was crying tearless sobs, waiting in fear for the twitching to return.

"Fuck your eyes! I'm going hunting!" Marcus called from over his shoulder.

Cara and Sereena come to their senses and realized that Marcus actually didn't know where babies really came from. Cara sighed, and looked over to Ser.

"I'm beginning to wonder if we'll _ever _get him to smile. Three centuries of… not smiling! That's a long time!" Ser rolled her eyes that were fortunately not twitching.

"Pfft. Maybe that means that we have to massage his cheeks so they're all warmed up and ready to smile! Then we can sign him up for a smiling class. You can be the teacher!!" Cara had that grin on her face that was a- 'Marcus is in biiiiiiiig trouble. He better run' grin. Ser stared at her sister warily.

"Wh…what are you thinking?" Cara just kept on grinning.

"Oh, this and that."

**hehe. A tinsy cliffy there! What does Cara have planned next? Well, I will have to consult with A. so I know what one to do next! **


	3. Chapter 3 ARE WE FREAKIN THERE YET!

**Sometimes… when I'm writing these kinds of things… it makes me wonder… "what… the… hell…" haha. Anyhoo. DUAL WRITING! Not just mine! Remember loves, this is off of emails, so they tend to be short, but I've added some creative… um… additions to make them longer and more interesting and more weird and just plain random.**

Chapter 2- ARE WE FREAKIN THERE YET?!?!

Aro shuts his eyes, "MARCUSSSSSSSS!!!!"

Marcus yelles boredly back "AROOOOOOO!" he snarles, "why do I have to shut my eyes I can smell you!"

"Oh yeah! well then where am I????? Hmmmmmm???????" Aro challenges.

"You're ten feet north of me cringing while I get this right." Aro frowns and walks away. Caius growles,

"Hey... why don't I get to be part of this pointless game? Marcus is emo!!" Aro smiles.

"Oh silly! you're the refferee."

Caius hugs self and smiles, while rocking back and forth "Aww.. you shouldn't have!"

Marcus sighs "Yeah... we shouldn't have. I'm bored."

Caius looks at Aro "See? I told you Aro, he's the emo-est vampire in the world!" Aro frowns,

"Are you sure? 'Cause I think I saw this one vamp in Russia and he looked pretty sullen... which I think is _facinating_! ... b-t-w."

Marcus raises and eyebrow. "Aro... face it. You're gay."

Caius frowns, "Can vampires **be **gay??"

Aro goes frolicking in random field of flowers

Caius and Marcus both stare in open mouthed shock " .......................umm.....................yeah."

Jane sighs. Apathetically. "Oh. My. God... a three thousand year old gay vampire... I never thought I'd see it." *strong apathy*

Felix enters randomly. "Well...... who wants to go hunting??" Everyone raises hands and grins.

"WE DO!!!!!!"

Cara sighs, grabbing Marcus's hand and starts painting his fingernails "Poor humans..."

Ser bites her lip, curling Marcus's hair "But......."

"SO MUCH CARNAGE!!!!"

"SOOOO LITTLE TIME!!!!"

Cara thinks for a bit "well, actually we have forever..."

"Shut up." Ser rolls her eyes, finishing the curls, while Marcus is trying to figure out what they're doing (with a bored expression).

Cara and the rest of the guard bounce in place impatiently. Cara starts to sing and chant over and over again: "bloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodbloodblood! thiiiiirrrstty!!!!!!!"

While Aro takes painfully long time to get purse, Marcus and Caius let out annoyed sighs. "c'mon Aro. we're thirsty!"

Aro says with lisp "silly guyss! I gotta get my complexion all figured out!" Felix growls, and everyone leaves, black eyed and blood lusty, meanwhile Aro hums to self while applying sparkly lipgloss. Cara and Ser come up behind Marcus,

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Bored.

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Still bored.

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Lethargically bored.

"Are we there yet?"

"No." Painful arterial bleeding boredness.

"ARE WE FREAKIN THERE YET?!?!" Cara suddenly screams, running around Marcus in circles twitching.

"……No." Ser glares, and falls to the ground, twitching in a circle.

"Goooooooooooooooood! What is your prooooobleeeem! Why. Won't. You. Smile?!?!" She screeches. Suddenly, a rainstorm appears, and her and Cara are kneeling in the muddy ground, fists raised to the stormy sky.

"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!"

"…I don't know." Marcus yawns, getting annoyed. Cara begins to sob, brushing Marcus' hair almost as if to comfort herself.

"I…" sniff. "Don't un…understand…" quiet sob. "Wh… why y… you w…won't sm…smile!" She says between sobs and peeking (not-so-subtly) between her hands to see if he cares that she's crying.

"It probably will upset the Natural Order or something and everything will blow up." Ser says matter-of-factly. Cara nodds, suddenly not crying and very thoughtful.

"Hmm… quite. Shall we commence a study?"

"We shall." Both don scientist lab coats, and begin to doodle on clip boards.

"Mmhmm… yes… I see…" Cara mumbles to herself.

"What is it Dr. Sexy Vamp?" Ser asks, glancing worriedly at Cara, who is hugging a teddy bear, looking close to tears.

"Hmm… well Dr. Hot Vamp, it seems that Master has a case of… the Emo." Cara announces ominously, while Ser shakes her head and takes the fast-becoming-annoyed Marcus' temperature.

"3 degrees Celcius. This is serious." Ser murmurs, patting Marcus' face with some blush to get the paleness out.

"But… Doctor, he is a vampire. All vampires are that temperature. Even us." Cara notes, scratching her hair and reapplying nail polish to Marcus' nails. He is close to hitting them.

"Ah! You are correct, Doctor… my mistake. But… look at how disgustingly pale he is…" Ser wrinkles her nose, and jots down a detailed sketch of a rubber duck. Marcus sighs, letting his head droop for a moment. When he looks back up, his hair has unfortunately fallen in the half-cover-your-face emo-style hair. Cara and Ser gasp.

"It's worse than we thought!" Caius walks up to the sobbing sisters, and rolls his eyes.

"What is it now?" he growls, impatient to be off. Cara snarls,

"I don't know, but are we freakin there yet?!" Ser sighs, and holds up the hidden video camera on her shirt. Cara holds up her fist, "By hook or by crook…"

"We shall make Marcus smile!" Ser vows again.

**Me: Well, there it is. Pointless in its entirety, but I promise you, the next chapter… I think includes hookers, if I'm correct?**

**Alexa: -checks random charts- you are correct! –shows picture of… well… CENSORED-**

**Me: -eye twitches- of course………**


	4. Chapter 4 Hookahs make every vamp smile

**Twin: HELLOOOO everyone!!!**

**Me: -giggles uncontrollably- **

**Twin: What you all are about to read is very quite disturbing! So enjoy!**

**Me: -dies from laughing- th… this one is longer… cause Twin sent me m… more! –dies again-**

Chapter… 4? Is it chapter 4 yet? I forget…- HOOKAHS MAKE EVERY MAN (vamp) SMILE (hopefully…)

Ser zips up her long gray coat that goes down to bottom of knees. "Lets go do our job!"  
Cara smiles and glues her eyelashes on, "Lets." Their big stiletto boots click on the ground and marcus looks up from his pouting session with Jane.

"And where are the terror twins going tonight?" he sighed, boredly, wondering why in the world would he ask. Somewhere in his mind, he knew he would regret it. Ser cracks a big smile.

"Our job!!"

Jane sighs. apathetic. "You two have jobs?" Cara nods crazily,

"Yeah!!!!" Jane, in a monotone, turning back to Marcus and hers pout war,

"Who with a brain would hire you two for the same job, let alone one of you?"

Ser stuck out her tongue. "Our boss Summer"

Cara stuck hers out as well. "Yeah Summer loves us!" The sisters storm out with linked arms.

Marcus stared at Jane, determined not to lose. Boredly. "Bet you they're hookers."

Jane nods, "No doubt." Ser and Cara stop at a building that says LADY'S NIGHT with two legs that had fishnet on them and a pole in between.

"After you my sister." Ser says, and opens the door.

"Why thank you my sister." Summer walks up, and is dressed in a leather lingerie suit and black stilettos.

"How are my favourite top dancers?" Cara and Ser both rip off their over coats smiling while shaking their hips like Shakira,

"SEXYYYYYY!!!!"

Summer laughs, "Damn straight!!!!"

Ser squeals happily, "Show time girl friend!" Cara jumps up and down clapping her hands. All the lights go out on the stage as they walk out quietly. They find their way to two poles on stage where red lights are shining on them.

Marcus is in the big throne room thingy. Cara walks up to Marcus, and sits by his throne. He glances warily at the unmoving vampire at his knee. "Oh god..."

Right when Marcus is least expecting it, Cara stealthily rests her hand on his knee.

"Umm...." Marcus was shocked (boredly).

(a long, awkward moment passes.)

"AWKWAAAARD!" Cara sings, and runs away. Aro chuckles to himself at Marcus. Marcus who with a lot of gut and force of will, keeps his expression to eyes closed, and otherwise lethargic.

Ser walks up to Marcus and sits by his throne.

Marcus yawned boredly. "It's not going to work this time."

(about ten minutes pass, and marcus finally lets his guard down.)

Ser stealthily rests hands on his knee, "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Marcuuuuuuuus." Ser looks up seductively. Marcus feels like he might be scarred for life.

(Another very long, uncomfortable, and awkward moment passes.)

"AWKWAAAAAARD!" Ser sings and runs away.

"Oh dear god...." Marcus shudders. Felix struts in wearing questionable hooker clothes.

"Hey fellas!" (that's a gay guy voice right there.) Aro raises his eyebrows in interest. Marcus' expression barely changes, but inside he's dying a little. And crying. The rest of the volturi guard strut in all wearing very, very questionable hooker clothes. Cara and Ser model walk in wearing kick ass shiny black leather stripper clothes.

"Heeeeeeeyyy Marcuuuuus." Cara purrs, hitting a remote causing everything to go to darkness and strobe lights come on, and poles are suddenly everywhere, while sexy music turns on.

Later on that evening.....

Cara grins into camera, "Well….. we decided to edit that part out of our documentary because, well, it was just too dang inappropriate. And what with Aro's gayness and the songs "I Kissed a Girl", "Sexyback", among others, and well, some interesting...erm.... things happened that we cut it out of embarrassment and protecting your fragile human minds..."

Ser giggled "Yeah, like when you had a heavy make-out session with Heidi and everyone was in a line g—"

"THAT"S ENOUGH OUT OF YOU!" Cara yells, shutting off the camera.

**Me: R&R! I hope your imaginations don't get too carried away, because then you'll only know half the things that we were originally going to put in XD.**

**Twin: -pouts- especially what Ser was saying at the end with the whole…**

**Me: SHUT IT!**


	5. Chapter 5 I Love You!

**Me: da dana danananaaa!**

**Twin: THIS CHAP IS GONNA BE SOOO FUNNY!**

**Me: hell yes!**

Chapter 5- I Love You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cara smiles into the camera, sitting next to her sister, Sereena on the bed.

"Well, as you can tell, so far all attempts have failed." She sighs.

"Miserably." Ser put in, earning a glare from Cara. They think for a moment, at loss for what to do.

"You know… you gotta love Marcus sometimes. I mean, the whole boredness just…" Cara began, sounding nostalgic.

"Yeah… he's always so emo. You just have to love that about him!" Ser agreed. They both freeze.

"Oh."

"My."

"God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cara squeals, jumping up and down.

"Dude! I freakin LOVE us!" Ser crowed, running around in little circles. Brain waves making them happy and slightly high.

"No! WE. LOVE. MARCUS!!!!!!" Cara screamed.

LATER ON THAT EVENING…….

Marcus sits on his throne. Looking bored, as usual. Cara lightly skips in, and sits next to his throne. Marcus shudders, remembering the last time that she did this.

"Marcus…" she begins, almost sounding nervous. This scares Marcus.

"What."

"Marcus… I… I don't know how to say this… but…" she says, her voice halting. His lethargic alarm suddenly boredly flairs.

"What are you saying?" he asks, something akin to panic. But more bored. Cara gets down on one knee, and begins to pull something out of her jacket pocket.

"Marcus… I love you. Will you marry me?" she presents a little ring box.

Marcus is in shell shock. "What?!" Cara grins.

"I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU LOVED ME!" she crowes, opening the box and shoving a purple button into his hands.

"NOW WE CAN STAY TOGETHER FOR EVER AND EVER!" she yells, skipping around his throne.

"But… I…" he splutters. Cara stops, a horrified look crossing her face.

"There's someone else? Isn't there?? HOW COULD YOU MARCUS?!" she runs away sobbing. Marcus stares after her.

"There's something definitely wrong with her…" he mutters. Ser then walks in, and sits next to his throne. Marcus groans, and imagines cutting himself.

"Marcs… I… I… I know you and Cara might have had something. And I think that I'm the better choice. I'm not sure how to tell you this…but…"

"Oh fuck my life…" Marcus snarls under his breath.

"I love Caius! Okay? Me and Cara both. We're sorry! But… you… you're just to damn emo." Ser cries, and runs out of the room.

Caius is heard choking on his morning cup of O+ blood. Titters are heard, then outright laughter, joined in by Caius and Aro. All four of them walk in, unable to control their laughter.

"M…Marcus…" Cara tries to say, but falls into a heap of laughter. Aro blushes (sort of). Marcus is scared.

"A…Aro has s…something to tell y… you!" Ser snorts and trips and surrenders to helpless giggling.

"Marcy… we've been around each other for like, three thousand years, and I just wanted you to know… that I love you." Aro says, giggling. Marcus passes out.

LATER ON WHEN MARCUS FINALLY WAKES UP…..

Marcus, while painting nails black, "You know I really need a vacation." Cara and Ser appear out of thin air,

"Us too! can we come with?"

Marcus is so surprised he spilled is nail polish all over him, "God damn you dirty kids."

Ser, shocked, "Marcus, they can't help that their parents didn't like them! Have some sympathy!" she points to a rundown orphanage where kids were everywhere in gross conditions.

Cara whispers in Ser's ear, "I think he was talking about us..."

"... ... ohhh."

"I'm going to Caius to get his tide to go pen. I just got this shirt." Marcus says, an evasive plan forming in his mind.

"Marcus the shirt is black and so it the nail polish, but if you want to make that big of a deal about it here use mine." Cara smiles hugely while she hands him her tide to go.

Marcus glances around quickly before snapping the pen in half, "Ohh darn looks like I still have to go b—"

Ser interrupts, "Its okay I have one!" She takes out her tide to go pen and hands it to him.

Marcus puts hand to his ear as if someone's calling. "Coming!" he looks at Cara and Ser and runs "Aro wants meee! He's going to fix my shirt!"

"We can come!" Cara calls, beginning to follow.

"No, no I'll come back later."

Ser sighs, "Okay we'll wait… they must be planning their honeymoon." Cara nods and smiles.

THREE DAYS LATER....

Cara giggles, "That must be one tough stain!" Ser nods,

"Seriously!"

**me: Well, there it is. Don't they seem to be getting more pointless by the second?**

**Twin: -munching on cocoa puffs- huhfduhh?**

**Me: riiiight…**


End file.
